Wednesday, July 4, 2018


July!

I can't believe we're mid year already! Time is just flying by and I feel like I say that every year. We've been really enjoying summer here. Although the temps are atrocious here and often times unbearable. We have been making the most out of summer vacation here despite my hours being all over the place. It's been a lot of long nights here. I miss out on time with Ally with the long hours I've had to work but every minute has been a fun activity for us. I actually landed a weekend off so it'll be filled with food, swimming, and maybe even a trip downtown. Saturday morning will be girl time with Shaun having to work. Ally has been in face mask phase so we've been trying different ones to find out which one is her favorite one. Our girl time is something precious to me and I love it when it's just us. Our family time is also precious.


Shaun was recently promoted! He has found a love for his job at Papa John's. He's currently at his manager training and while it's been beyond stressful for him, I couldn't be more proud of everything that he's doing. Next week, he'll be returning to his home store as a manager.




I have been really focused on what I need. What I need to feel okay. What I need to be in the right head space at all times. Depression is no joke but I'm finally in a place where I can manage it on my own. My mother recently found out that her depression meds were part of what led to her being fired. They made her act erratically. Severe highs and even more severe lows. Which is exactly why I refuse to be put on them again. I'm finding natural methods and they are working. I no longer read Brittany's blog. My ex clearly decided he wasn't going to be consistent so Ally and I have just moved on and accepted that While I can't say much, I can ask for you guys to be with me in spirit. Big things are moving into motion come next month and it's going to be the most stressful and freeing experience of my life. I can't wait to share the news with you when all is said and done. I am free from all of it. I am feeling so much more like myself that it's freeing. Life is good. I am sorry that I haven't been posting much, it's just a deep need to be just my little family and I.

Monday, May 28, 2018

Confused?

I want to start by apologizing for my long stretch in between posts. I have grown to enjoy my privacy especially due to everything that has happened with my ex. I am learning to value that not everything is meant to be spoken but with that being said, there has been a lot of heavy things happening over the last few days.

I've been reading, listening but not speaking. There seems to be confusion and not everyone getting the full story. I don't understand how anyone could ever expect all three of us to get along when not every mother in this situation has the kid's best interests at heart. I don't understand how you can fault a mother for protecting her children. Especially when you are being trusted with them. Trusted to care and protect them. If there is a document stating that person A is not allowed around my child then I expect that to be respected.

I won't pretend to know all sides. I know this is a huge problem with social media, you only get bite sized chunks of what could be the truth. But I do know my own experiences and my own truth which is plenty for me.

I've watched Kris become psychically ill from all of this. Her mental health being affected as well.

We have all made mistakes. We have went round and round. We always forgive each other because that's what family does. We have all hurt one another. We have all made threats. I mean shit, you allowed your son to have his affair right under your roof but yet I still let it go and moved forward.

I'm uneasy about Brittany talking to Shaun simply because none of their social circles run the same. Just last year her and my ex did nothing but slander him because he is of a different race. According to them, he was a good for nothing N*. He has been called that harsh words on multiple occasions.

I've kept people at arm's lengths because I did start listening to my own gut. I mean when you can't confide in someone without them running and telling their children and their s/o what you said, what can you do? At the end of the day, I will always protect Ally simply because she is growing and changing so much. She is becoming such a smart, beautiful, independent young lady.

I understand we all have our own lives to lead. I have never faulted my ex-MIL for that. I have only placed distance because I don't want my daughter associating with someone she feels unsafe around. But I would make other arrangements for her to see her when said person wasn't around. But now I can't trust that she won't invite my ex and his s/o over to spend time with Ally. I don't understand where things got so twisted and became so gruesome. But then again, I hardly talk to anyone anymore. I've been focused on Ally, Shaun, work, and sleep.

If it weren't for the constant threat that the children would be ripped from one another I would have no problem with play dates with Ally seeing Damian. She sees the girls when time allows but with Kris living an hour away, us both working long hours, and days off clashing it seems impossible to get them together.

I don't think this situation has anything to do with being petty. At least in my case it isn't. It's about what is best for Ally. I have invited her grandparents to come here to see her because I simply can't afford the long trip and I always come to them, so I've opened my home should they want to see Allisun. I have matured to the point where I don't care who anyone befriends but I also have the right to protect my circle especially Ally.

Kris is hurting and rightfully so. I can already hear her telling me I'm wasting my breath with this section of my post but I am so damn sick of everyone making her out to be someone she is not. I've been in her shoes and it's hard to hit a breaking point. It's hard to snap. Just like I did, she left her family despite their warnings about Joey and went to build a life with him. Letting his family take her in as her own. Of course she's hurting because they are shunning her and for what? Just because she doesn't want someone who has proven themselves a danger to be around their kids? Brittany tried to kill me back in 2015 and I've witnessed her manic episodes so of course I wouldn't want that around my child either. Now that she has taken off the rose colored glasses and put her head on straight, she's faulted? How you can fault her or pin her as the crazy ex when for 8 plus years she has been plan B. She has been the fallback gal. Full of empty promises. Yes, there was a time when I hated her but now I sympathize with her because I understand how's she is feeling. But she also needs to remember that she is a survivor. She survived the emotional abuse. She came out on the other side of it. The babies are young enough that they can heal from this and move on.

I just don't understand the foolishness of all of this. Why it has to be assumed the kids are being stripped from their grandparents just because we don't someone around the kids that has proven themselves unsafe.

I'm sorry for the long post lovelies, I've just found it better to vent rather than hold things in because that only makes it worse. For once though, life is going pretty well for us. Summer vacation has started and we have all kinds of fun in store for Ally. It's time to nap before work tonight, brightest blessings lovelies.

Growing Up


Big Girl is officially a First Grader!


So so proud!


Custom outfit I purchased just for the occasion!


Now that we have a washer and dryer Ally is doing her own laundry!

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Exciting News


My sister found out Today she's having twins! She is so shocked but oh so happy!

Monday, May 14, 2018

Look Who's Stitching Again!


A friend of mine LOVES sloths. There is a meme about this particular piece. You can google it if you like. She asked if I would do a custom piece for her to hang in her home. I told her it would take a bit as I have to work around my schedule but she's patient.


This fabric is actually way more vibrant in person but so far it's coming along. I am doing a few stitches here and there where time allows.

A Special Dinner & Morning Sweetness


Mother's Day was fantastic. I had a girl's day with Ally while Shaun was at work. We built a new lego set and watched Spirited Away, the animated series on Netflix. I love our girl time!


Shaun came home from work last night and I just expected us to make some ramen, watch a little tv, and head to bed. He told me he was gonna make dinner for me. Chicken Parmesean. It was beyond delivious. I will always take his cooking at home over fast food any day. It was definitely a special night cap to a great Mother's Day.


This morning I went to wake up Ally for school and I saw the cutest sight. She was holding her new kitty tight. It was so cute!