Here lately I have began to feel like my best self. Sometimes everything happens at once and I am learning that I no longer have to hold all of the weight on my shoulders. Shaun is there to ease some of that burden. I am learning how to be in a healthy relationship which is such a foreign aspect for me. I am learning that it's okay to speak up when I'm upset without snapping or storming out. I am learning that I am truly with someone who sees my best self even when I can't quite see it myself. I wanted the world with my ex-husband and the longer I am away from him the more I celebrate. I have been away for just over two years and it's been the most freeing feeling. I spent most of that two tears starting over for Ally and I. But now this is my time to take care of myself. I've made mistakes along the way but that's how life is. I've spent my whole life hoping to find the man of my dreams when clearly he was just under my nose all along.
Shaun came into my life shortly after the mistake of my life happened. I knew better than to not trust my gut but I went against it anyways. I was taken advantage of and lost a lot of money because of it. I was facing being homeless and my ex and his s/o taking advantage of that to take my daughter. Shaun pushed me through all of that. He was there through my breakdowns and upheaval. He constantly was and still is my pillar of strength. Ally will be starting Kindergarten in a matter of hours and I am so thrilled for her. She is my driving force. My reason for being. She is why I stay with a job I truly hate, why I push myself to work everyday. Tonight we spent some gal time doing face masks and preparing for her big day. Pictures to come of course. I guess life just has me thankful and I am finally feeling my way out of the darkness.
I occasionally check into my ex-husband's s/o's blog just in case there is something there that can be screen shot for evidence purposes but I no longer react. I might vent to Kristina about it but I don't feel that burning need to ask my ex-husband what the hell is his problem. For instance, he tried to mess around with Kris then came to my place because she said no. He spent all of a minute with his daughter before popping out again. Meanwhile the woman he so deeply loved was just a 10 minute drive from my house at the mall waiting on him to get back. To this day, I firmly believe his s/o was behind him pushing to take Ally from me for those three weeks. Since she's been home he hasn't bothered to check in on her. He has spent all of that minute with her. She is now going to a counselor because her heart is so broken. She doesn't understand why Brittany claimed to love her only to have lied to her constantly. She doesn't understand why her Daddy doesn't want to her. My heart breaks because all I can do is show her that the people that truly care are right here and she doesn't have to worry about ever going back to that terrible environment. She's home safe. I don't waste my energy on Brittany anymore because I know at the end of the day she has to paint a picture of how her life is because reality is harder to face. It's hard to face that the man that you are so deeply in love with is fucking around behind your back. Meanwhile, I don't have to pretend or paint a picture because reality is finally better.
I have this you guys. For the first time I have this. I smile all the time at home now. I look forward to coming home to my babies. I love that Shaun will randomly send me selfies of him and Ally. I feel at peace. There are parts of life that could be better but in the grand scheme of things my life is pretty great. I don't have many complaints. I go to bed wrapped in security. Ally loves Shaun and our family is stronger. Things have been even better since he moved in. I have felt more like my self since he's been here. He can sense me hitting a low before I even know it's happening. I am learning it's okay to fall apart and there is baggage that I need to unload. Everyday I fall a little bit harder for him and I can't wait for our beautiful life together. Now it's time to curl up in that ball of security and call it a night. School time comes early.
On Thursday we went to Ally's Kindergarten orientation. It was such a bittersweet moment as I watch her grow up. She is such a beautiful young lady and I can't wait to see her learn and grow.
Ally has recently taken up doing dishes. We have a chore chart to help establish more stability for her and dishes are the extra chore she picked. I love getting selfies while I'm at work and this had me beaming. I finally have everything I've ever wanted. We aren't quite where we want to be but everyday we get a little closer.
Look at my big girl! I just can't believe how grown up she looks and how much she amazes me every day. I am definitely one proud momma.
It's been a while since I've been able to stitch. Friday ended an 8 day straight stretch at work. Since it's raining off and on I'll be spending the day stitching and rubbing Ally's legs. It looks like a growth spurt has hit our house so here's to a lazy day off.