Friday, January 19, 2018
Work is tough. I work 50 hours a week. Some shifts are longer than others. Some days the rudeness and overall disgust of how customers can be just down right breaks me. We've had 14 recent robberies. That's terrifying. I know the procedures but I also know that things can change in an instant. I know in that moment fear takes over. I also know I have severe anxiety.
I just don't know anymore guys. Why is life so hard to do? Why is anxiety a thing?
I don't even feel like I have anyone to go to about all of this. All of my friends have shit they are handling so I kind of just let life drown me and occasionally come back up for air. I am truly thankful I do have an outlet here with the blogging community but right now blog posts may be few and far between. It's hard to life and I need to focus on my little family and making sure they know I am here and not going anywhere.
Thursday, December 14, 2017
But for the sake of my mental health I am only reading and following blogs that better my life. I am finally making me a priority. I am the kind of the person that always does for others. Last week we were out finishing up our Christmas shopping. I have had such a hard time finding jeans that fit me properly. We went into Torrid because they were having a sale. Let me tell you, I couldn't do it. I couldn't fathom spending $50 on a pair of pants. Yet for Ally or Shaun that wouldn't have been a issue. Sometimes you have to treat yourself and Shaun is really helping me to understand and not feel guilty for it.
This man right here. I couldn't love him more. I slept all day yesterday. Only woke up to eat and take more meds. He was streaming yesterday and Ally came in wanting to join. He wears Silly Hats as his gimmick. She picked out a hat and joined on in. He didn't get upset or angry, simply let her join his stream. It was such a cute thing to watch because she was so happy to be apart of it. She told him she loved him a few weeks ago and it was such a huge moment. She hasn't felt able to trust anyone since everything that happened with her father. This shows she's healing and moving forward. It makes me so proud and happy to see my baby doing so well. We just celebrated 8 months together which is a big thing for me as well.
Next month, we'll be off to New Orleans for a few days as I have to use my vacation time soon. I can't wait to get a few uninterrupted days with the love of my life.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Look at how gorgeous this deck is! I can't wait to order it. I have been itching for a new deck to get back into reading my cards and this deck claimed my heart from first glance. I can't wait to order it and for it to be mine.
I am getting back into the things that I find joy in. Cross stitching, playing WOW, and coloring are among the few. I am feeling more motivated where my weight loss is concerned. I am feeling so much better about life.
I really need to take a minute to shout to two very important people in my life.
Shaun has been my rock this last week. He has taken everything I've thrown at him over the last week and handled it. He held me while I sobbed. He pushed me to get out of bed. He constantly reminded me of his love for me and that I needed to keep pushing for Ally. Losing the babies really broke me but I am at acceptance. When it's our time to have babies, it will happen. For now, we have so much to be thankful for and prepare for. We have so much to get ready for and realize that we can't dwell on sadness because it keeps you from living your best life.
Kristina. I can't say enough about her strength and perseverance. She has remained a listening ear even when I couldn't express how I was feeling. She has been my rock along with Shaun. Without these two I wouldn't have made it through the last week. They both held me together.