Thursday, December 7, 2017

Positive Mental Attitude

After the heaviness of last week, I am refocusing myself this week. I let last week drown me and I am rising above. I am not feeding into other's need for drama. I am living my best life. The end of the year is almost here. Shaun and I are actually planning to get out of town for a few days next month. We both have decided that we need a break from everything. I'm actually feeling more like myself. I have found coffee that is absolutely delicious and it's helping me cut out energy drinks. I am working on turning my attitude around and being more positive. We spend so much time looking at all that is hurting us but not enough time appreciating all the things we have to be thankful for. Heading into 2018 that is going to be my main focus. Being more thankful and less bitter. I have so many things to be happy and thankful for that I don't have time to be negative.

Look at how gorgeous this deck is! I can't wait to order it. I have been itching for a new deck to get back into reading my cards and this deck claimed my heart from first glance. I can't wait to order it and for it to be mine.

I am getting back into the things that I find joy in. Cross stitching, playing WOW, and coloring are among the few. I am feeling more motivated where my weight loss is concerned. I am feeling so much better about life.

I really need to take a minute to shout to two very important people in my life.

Shaun has been my rock this last week. He has taken everything I've thrown at him over the last week and handled it. He held me while I sobbed. He pushed me to get out of bed. He constantly reminded me of his love for me and that I needed to keep pushing for Ally. Losing the babies really broke me but I am at acceptance. When it's our time to have babies, it will happen. For now, we have so much to be thankful for and prepare for. We have so much to get ready for and realize that we can't dwell on sadness because it keeps you from living your best life.

Kristina. I can't say enough about her strength and perseverance. She has remained a listening ear even when I couldn't express how I was feeling. She has been my rock along with Shaun. Without these two I wouldn't have made it through the last week. They both held me together.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

My Person

I can't brag enough on this man. He truly has changed my life for the better. I smile more, laugh often, and have a huge appreciation for life. Yesterday he dedicated the day to me. He wanted to help me grieve and trying to find peace to move forward. We watched Aladdin.and laid in bed together. He held me while I vented and tried not to cry. We've decided to name the twins for closure. He took me out to dinner and then we ran errands before me coming home to crash out before work. Our dynamic isn't easy by any means but I take it one day at a time. I try not to be too clingy but it's what I need right now. I need the security of him and us. The security of being strong. The security that this would will heal. I am so proud to have him. To know we have a whole life together.

Sunday, December 3, 2017


I'm hoping that by speaking out that maybe I'll actually be able to start trying to move on. It's been coming in waves and I don't even know how to process it. It isn't my first miscarriage but it is the first one with someone I truly love and carry about. Thursday shortly after we got home from our awesome night out I miscarried. I had a feeling I was in the process because with this birth control I haven't ever had a period. I know that it is  a possibility but that gut feeling usually doesn't lie. While we can't be certain, Shaun and I are fairly certain it was twins because I lost the other one last night. My heart is beyond broken. We weren't planning for kids hence getting on birth control but we've always been firm believers in handling anything that is thrown our way. I've been so aggressive and angry. Shaun has been my rock but I feel like I've done nothing but cry and fall into this ball of giving up. When we went to our appointment for the birth control, the doctor didn't require a urine sample. I didn't think to request it. I realize that was the fatal error. We went through a pregnancy scare shortly before making the appointment and I think if  I would have retested a week later, it would have been positive. It's amazing how badly your subconscious can want something. I had gotten to a point of acceptance that Shaun wanted us to be better off financially before bringing children into the picture. He has been a pillar of strength through all of this. I know time heals all wounds but I am really worn out from constantly bursting into tears. My depression is at it's worst. I am trying to break down to Shaun and Kristina but my heart is just so worn so I am choosing to move forward. Grieving is far too painful. When it is time for Shaun and I to add to our family then we will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, it's time to take a step forward and try to heal.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Christmas Lights!

Tonight was beyond perfection. I was with my tribe and we took off for a long drive to see Christmas lights. Bella and Ally were inseparable. Charlie requested I hold her most of the evening. Kristina was all smiles for the first time in a long time. Shaun was able to experience Christmas magic the way I grew up. The cool thing about this place is it's a 2 and a half mile drive through full of different scenes. There was a pirate scene, classic nativity scene, Poinsettia, among many others. Half-way through there is a spot to get out and walk. You can get food, visit the different booths, go through a maze, a holiday walk-through, and ride two different kiddy rides. It truly was a remarkable night with my best friend's by my side. It took us awhile to get here but I can't imagine life without Kristina and the girls. Shaun and I are rock-solid. I love this man beyond comprehension. He truly does rise above and beyond for Ally and I. Ally has recently said I love you to him which is huge. She hasn't felt safe enough to open up or let anyone new it but her love and affection for Shaun is amazing and beautiful.

My heart is so full. They held hands and did EVERYTHING together all night.

This cutie pie was my sidekick for the majority of the night.

My beautiful girl!

Words can't express how strong their bond is.

Bella made sure Ally knew that they were gonna be together all night.

This beautiful women made my night. We laughed so much over everything. Especially how hilarious the girls were.

Charlie wouldn't let go of that sausage for anything.

Another adorable picture!

Ally and Bella riding the Carousel before we left. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Weight Loss

Good Morning Lovelies!

I hope this Wednesday finds you well, I have an update for you all about our family night out last night but I am actually on my way to start Day One of C25K. Want to keep up with my journey to a healthier me? Be sure to stop by Journey To A Healthy Me. I would love all the support in the world and to encourage each and every one of you in your own fitness journey's.

Brightest Blessings!

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Coco Review

I can't sing enough praise for this movie. It was so full of culture and adventure. It was truly a remarkable movie. Ally was tuned in from start to finish. It's a Disney movie so of course tears were shed but it was truly an enjoyable movie.

I truly love that the message of this movie is to stay true to yourself. No matter what happens, you must believe in and stay true to what your heart desires.

It was full of music and colors and there were small quirks that reminded me of my own grandmother and heritage.

I really suggest you take your kids or even yourself to see this great movie. Definitely one of my top 2017 movies.