It is amazing how much things can change in less than twenty-four hours. Just a few hours ago my ex-husband to be was trying to convince me to reconcile our child-support agreement so Ally and I would be able to join him in the Army lifestyle. The lies between what was going on with his current girlfriend and the mother of his other daughter really pushed me closer to wanting the divorce over everything else. I struggled between my heart and my head. The mothering part of me wanted to go for it because it would give Ally stability and my ex would have to support his family. I have bent over backwards for him and even though I've done my share of damage I have always forgiven him and taken him back.
The biggest thing that reassured how I felt was the way I was treated this past weekend. I wasn't allowed to talk to my daughter who was an hour away from home. I was required to call or text after the mother of his other daughter had already left for work. B, the other woman that he was seeing was able to get more pictures of the kids and him than I was. It was very upsetting and it was part of the reason why I chose to end our mutual agreement and enforce the agreement we set up legally.
This agreement prohibits Ally from leaving the county in which she resides. It doesn't really matter at this point because my ex-husband has left state. He told me that he ended his relationship with B and she was headed home and that K gave him $200 and they ended their relationship. The only frustrating thing is that my divorce is now on hold because he is A) out of state and B) I have no address for them to serve the divorce papers.
I am happy because I have custody of our daughter and our agreement is standard custody for the moment. I am able to go up to three months without receiving child support before I can take legal action but I have provided for Ally by myself for the last three years except for five months. Other than that it's been myself and family.
I am a little upset that Ally won't be able to see her sister but the mother has made it clear that I am not to have a relationship with my step-daughter. So once again I have to mend my daughter's heart and distract her so we can heal together over Daddy leaving and her not seeing sister every other weekend.
There is also this feeling of relief that Ally and I can move on with our plan and be on our own. I don't care about his relationships with the other women to be honest. I am happy for my ex and hope that he sticks with this opportunity so wherever his future leads he may be happy in life. That is all I ever hoped for.
My family has seriously been the biggest source of understanding and support through everything. My mom has only wanted my happiness and when the Army idea first popped she helped me to take off the rose colored glasses.
I've watched two women post about their love for my ex. About their relationship with him and the future. This pulls everything full circle for me and really shows me understanding that once a liar, always a liar. He has wrapped K so far around his finger she'll never wake up and see him for who he is. There will always be this part of me that will want to believe him and be there but I also know his track history. I know that he is just a lost soul that needs to find his place. He has had no problem admitting that he'll do whatever it takes to ensure he is covered.
I refuse to contribute to the mind games and be apart of it. I am able to provide for Ally and that's all I care about right now. I don't know where this life will lead me but I do know that as long as I focus on my daughter anything is possible.
I will be doing another post just dedicated to my sweet girl. We are going to wait until she's four to start school. She already qualifies for Head Start and is incredibly smart but I thought long and hard about it and I want to spend the next school year getting through the divorce, getting a new vehicle for us, and getting us in our own place. My goal is to have us settled by March and on our feet. Until then we will be working with her at home so she's more than ready for Pre-K. I don't know where the future is heading but i do know that I am happy that it looks like I will finally be able to break free from the cycle of emotional abuse and show my daughter that we don't need a man to be happy with our lives.