I have made promises not to spread the business of others but today it really hit me what kind of person I used to be and how much I don't want to go back to that. Shadow Work is beautiful and awful at the same time. I always get in these moods when the cold weather starts to set in. I feel the need to really reflect on the past, present, and most certainly the future.
I was in a conversation today and something was said that really triggered me to speak up. It was mentioned that they just wished another person would just get over it already. There's more to it but that was the basis. I made it quite clear that they are hurting themselves. You don't just get over someone you love, someone you started a family with. There's a grieving process especially when you thought they were coming home to you.
Now I've said my fair share of mean things to both people involved in this scenario but this conversation really made me reflect and I had to stop and think. How cruel can you be to say, just get over the man you love because he's with me? Do you realize just how much pain and heartache it is when you've been with someone for YEARS, not months, not days but YEARS? You started a family with them. You thought they had a future and while I wished karma would come full circle, I quickly wish I wouldn't have said that. I know her heartache and I just want to soothe it and give her promises of better days but she is emotionally fueled. She is hurting herself and went on a leap and fell in love and attempted to move on only to be burned again. She feels alone and just wants a kind hearted friend.
Then in the same breath I am told that she is okay with my husband & I talking because she knows it's nothing more than friendship and respect for Ally. It is that way because I've made it that way. I've pushed aside my heartache and grief and moved on but I didn't just get over it.
I am not going to start a bunch of shit about this as I usually would be blowing up my husband's phone but this time I have to remain peaceful about the situation. I choose to be independent and move forward. I have to give myself the peace of mind in knowing I am choosing to vent on my blog and then let it go.
I have found this blog to be the center of peace for me because this is my place to talk about my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement. Just because you are with him now doesn't mean you have an ounce of understanding as to how I feel.
I feel more assured now than ever that I have made the best choice in choosing to keep myself out of the drama and start spacing myself all the way around from everyone. I am here for friends but nothing more. I will not be dragged into anymore pain or hurt. I just needed a moment to vent and then let go.