I told both of the people that I've come to love that I no longer love them last night. It wasn't to purposely hurt them but to give me peace of mind about my own life. These two are reckless and care about each other very much. For my own health I have decided to leave both of them alone and back out of their lives as much as possible.
I am not a pawn to be used for whatever reason. I am a person with real feelings and I am choosing my happiness. My peace. My acceptance. I have to move on for me. I can't continue to live in this fantasy and hope for acceptance. I have to be strong for my sweet Ally. So for this, I am going to choose peace and love for myself.
I am a muddled mess and I need time to get my head on straight so a few days of quiet and space will help.
Also, I saw a wonderful idea from my MIL that she is doing with her Tarot. She is drawing from both her decks and she mentioned a wonderful point, she has one deck that is very positive and uplifting so it doesn't always give that brutal truth that we sometimes need. So today I'll be catching up on my Tarot challenge and drawing from my both of my decks to see if maybe that's what is missing from me.