Something was posted that really stuck with me and I guess that's what has my mind into overdrive right now. When did we as a society become so resentful? I have had a few miscarriages and it almost destroyed my marriage early on. My ex was still incredibly raw over almost losing Ally and I. I went back to work before I was fully healed but we were getting better. We were in our own place and life was moving forward. He was visiting his bestfriend in Bowie and I lost the baby at work. I remember the miscarriage like it was yesterday because out of the miscarriages we had this was the worst. I held the fetus in my hands. It was horrible. I thought it was just my period going into overdrive. I called him and I couldn't even talk. I couldn't even leave the restroom at work. I was just sobbing and he kept telling me to go back to our house and wait for him. He was rushing to take me to the ER. We knew we were incredibly lucky to have Ally but we had both hoped for one more. After the third miscarriage we both just stopped trying because it hurt both and we chose to treasure Allisun instead.
I have been on path towards positivity and for the most part I have done an awesome job at it. My life has been a 360 turnaround since I left in May. I look at the broken woman and the woman I am now. I am completely different and way happier. I have made close friends at work, I am up for the promotion, I am a better mom and life just feels so much better. I feel better. I finally feel happier and on the right track. Does this mean I'm perfect? No but I am learning to appreciate the simple things like alone time at 3 am and a cup of coffee. I am learning that sometimes life will throw you a curve ball and it's all about how you handle it. You have to remain focused and for me this ties into my spiritual beliefs. I've decided to dedicate a separate post to this though because I am finally realizing what my personal beliefs are and what this means for me and for raising Ally. Did I imagine I would be a single mom at 22? Not at all but I have made the best of it and done everything in my power to show not only myself but also my family that I can do this.