Friday, December 18, 2015

Misunderstood

I am not the monster you believe to be. I am not a "whiny bitchy ass". I believe everyone is out to get to me because that is how it has been so long. When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship the healing can take years. I've made great strides but I still have a long way to go.

Everyday I make it out bed I consider that an accomplishment. When you wake up and just want to sleep then have to be a strong mother on top of it, I'll listen. My little girl deserves the world and I do everything I can to give that to her.

When your daughter is the only thing that pushes you through the day because most days it hurts just to get up. You want to cry and scream and yell. It all just hurts.

You know nothing of heartache or pain. No, you have everything handed to you. You haven't had to fight over the loss of love. Nor endure the struggle of being a single mother. No, he always comes back. Doesn't he?

I am sorry if I am not ready to let go. The divorce will be soon approaching and I am scared. Not insecure. Not whiny. And definitely not a bitch. I have struggled on this journey alone for so long and I ache for my family back.

Does that really make me such a bad person?

You say there are things I know nothing about well the same can be said to you. There are things that have happened that could destroy you but I won't do that.

That is not who I am anymore. I relish in my privacy and my new found freedom. There are always going to be days where I feel low and that is not being desperate.

I always go towards you pulling him away from his family because you did just that the moment you stomped into his life. You tore him from us. Even when you were told he was married. That is a wound that will not easily if ever heal.

You tore him from his daughter. You took your greedy self and instead of letting him spend time with family used your money to keep him hanging on.

You knew and you still drove the wedge. We were both fighting for our marriage but you used little Izzy to make sure to destroy us. Publicly claiming him as yours and shaming him. Who do you think you are?

You know nothing about losing everything. You've never lost your family. So pardon me if I worry about my daughter because her father is actually fighting to make things right. Take your greedy hands elsewhere and out of his pocket.

Leave him to start his life over for his children. The THREE of them. Stop trying to wreck things and assume he still cares because you know nothing.

Until you've walked in shoes don't assume you know anything because Karma always finds a way and soon enough you'll be served yours.

2 comments:

  1. It takes time to heal and no you arent a bad person.

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  2. I'm so sorry for whatever was said to you. I can see it's tearing at you. But know this... You are strong. You have made it this far and you will continue to move forward. Don't let the words and judgements of one person be the destruction of all your hard work. You will make it through this.

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Encouraging Comments Are Always Welcomed. :)