July! Already? It seems like yesterday we were bringing in the new year. I have decided that I work better with lists. I am the most scattered person there is but lists seem to be my way to tune in and stay on track. Even if I slack a bit on those lists. I am trying to find my rhythm and get back to me. I really want to thank each and every one of you wonderful people that have reached out with support. You guys are right. This is MY blog and I need to stop letting drama dictate me. I need to find ME. I left a year ago to do just that and just because I reached out with kindness doesn't mean I need to lose me in the process again.
In the health department. Geeze this is my biggest problem area! I have been thinking a lot about my plan of attack. I had allowed another's cruel words to seep in and drag me back into self-loathing. I had considered trying Itworks products but after doing more research it seems like more of a committment than my schedule allows. My bestfriend is doing Herbalife as well as a co-worker and it feels like a better route for me. It is basically vitamins and meal replacement shakes. This works out better because I don't usually have time for breakfast or lunch. It will run me around $150 a month for two meals replaced a day and a month's of vitamins.
I am also getting back into my exercise. The gym won't work out because I don't have my own vehicle and since J has come back that has basically become his car. I was grateful for the time I was allowed to use it though.
My long term plan is to get into running and I want to start running up and down the stairs. I was doing really strong with my weight loss in Bowie and I don't wish to back track now.
I am completely backing out of the Brit/Joey/Kris circus. Brit being with Joey has set in a deep rooted anger and they both could care less as long as they have their happiness. This is proven in the fact that Brit and him are curled up on my couch as we speak. Kris has decided it is her place to assert that Joey is still indeed with her as well.
To this I say: I don't care!
I offered them both safe haven and I wish I would have been more firm in my heart's decision to say no. They have until October to figure out their future or I am making the decision for them. I want to see them succeed but they have already proven they can be on their own once before. I don't care who my husband ends up with as long as he is out of my house by late September, early October. This isn't to hurt anyone but to make both of them realize this safe haven they have taken comfort in isn't a permanent solution at all.
I have allowed Kris to come over to go swimming with Ally and Joey so they both get time with Izzy. As I told Joey, I won't take being disrespected or threatened by a child on my own property.
Everyone that is apart of this should be grateful. Show gratitude because this safety net didn't have to say yes and could easily say no.
I'm becoming a silent watcher and focusing on Ally and I only.
I am back into my book reviewing and I am hoping after a needed nap I will be able to get some reviews posted today. My schedule being so demanding at work has made it hard to dive in as I usually would for hours on end. In July I'd like to read and review at least 10 new books.
This is me. 200 pounds of sweet, kind, friendly, there for you goodness. I am not by any means perfect. I am not small by any means. I wear my smile proudly. I am getting to where I want to be everyday. Some days I feel lonely or down but I have a beautiful little girl by my side.
This my MY world. I briefly was lost in the drama of others but I vowed when I left my Mother In-laws I would never allow myself to feel that way again nor put anyone else through the tension filled hell I was in. It is an everyday process but as long as Ally depends on me I will show her true strength.
I am strong because I have survived so much. Physical abuse, mental abuse, miscarriages, bullying, weight gain, attempted overdose, anger, depression, anxiety. Despite all of these things I am still standing strong.
I am able to see my first love flaunt his relationship, every aspect mind you in my house and I am learning to keep my silence. I am watching the mind games start up. Both of these women are just as blind as me. Evidence of his misdoings are right in front of them but they both choose to play blind.
Not me, I am working towards Ally and I's future. Hello July, let's make this a month full of blessings.
Bright Blessings Lovelies!!