Sunday, July 24, 2016

Overwhelmed.

Today is one of those days where everything and anything gets on my last nerve. The only thing saving me from completely going off the deep end is the kids.

I truly feel like the weight of the world is in my shoulders. While I understand illness does happen this is now the second call in. One of which just because you weren't feeling it. Then I'm painted as the bad guy because I want my house back in October. Which to me was more than generous.

I feel absolutely alone and all I can do is feel like my chest is going to explode and I'll cry. It all hurts. The ztitude and getting pissed because I offered a damn glass of water baffles me.

I'm just ready to have my house back and for them to be able to visit. I am obviously not meant to live with others because this just irritates me.

It's not enough that you have him. It's not enough that I'm trying to be there and help out but yet again you have to rub salt in the wound and make sure this whole fucking house knows you're with him.

Yet I'm expected to be the bigger person time and time again. I'm expected to hold my tongue and not say anything.

I'm tired of not being allowed to say anything because it ruffles feathers. I'm tired of doing everything on no sleep and even when I do sleep the day off I still feel exhausted.

My entire body aches and it feels like the depression is in overdrive lately. This is no excuse but the truth. I've allowed myself to fall so far the down the rabbit hole that everything is crumbling and all I can is sit here and let it fester.

3 comments:

  1. Felicia, you can't always be the nice guy. It's your house and you worked hard to make a home for YOU and ALLY. Nobody else. Hang tight girl and be strong regardless if that means being the bad guy or not.

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