Tonight I was judged by weight. It wasn't said directly but it was plenty cleared. I'm not small by any means. I have weight. I haven't done everything I can to lose the excess. I go through spurts and then lose motivation because I want instant results.
I work a sleeveless dress that happened to cut mid thigh or a little below. Joey came to take out trash and told I wasn't dressed appropriately to be outside. I was then called a whore.
I immediately threw away all of my unflattering clothes. I had bought them because they have me confidence in the body I was gaining. I felt beautiful for once. And then my teenage angst came back to life full force and I felt disgusted in these clothes.
Then I talked to Brit and she said she had what the difference was because she wears clothes like my dress and owns skirts that are shorter. He said it's because he's with her but she also sees where it's body shaming.
I feel like I'm back at square one and think I'll cry myself to sleep tonight because this is the lowest I've felt in a long time and I don't see much of a pick me up coming from this one.
I never asked to be small like Brit or Kris. I just wanted to feel beautiful for once and happy in my own skin.