I feel the need to speak out on a subject that is very near to me because I used to live in that frame of mind constantly. Ask Kris, my family, Joey, or my In-laws. It was always someone else's fault. It wasn't until I started taking responsibility for my actions and thoughts that I realized it was nobody's fault but my own. By the choices I made, I created the circumstances I was in.
In the past I blamed Kris for the problems in my marriage when truthfully Joey and I had grown apart long before she came into the picture full time. I blamed my parents for why I had no place to go when truthfully I had severed that tie all on own. I blamed many people for things that weren't anyone's fault but my own.
Blogging went from being an outlet to a way to make stabs all the way around. This isn't why I blog at all. I began blogging because my MIL thought it would be a good way to vent and get more involved in the community. My MIL took me in as her own child and was a mother figure throughout my pregnancy. We have had our differences but at the end of the day I still love and look up to her.
Sabotage? That would mean I actually cared beyond friends. People can create or destroy their own happiness. Nobody can do that for you. If they can then you haven't strengthened your ability to see past that. Relationships, friendships, and family all require trust. If you trust them then you wouldn't be constantly looking to validate rumors through means of stalking or picking fights.
I have made amends and repaired the relationships that mean the most to me. I have seen wolves in sheep clothing only out for their own gain. True friendships see past the rocky waters and move onto calmer seas.
In a world where there is violence, war, death, and anger all around there is simply no time for a bitter heart. I have made amends with the fact that I may never see him again but I have also made peace in knowing that I am not the monster I keep being painted out to be. At the end of the day I opened my home and did what I could to support and build up others. I didn't handle every situation in the best ways and at some ends the bad days outweighed the good but I did make an honest effort.
Now I start anew and move forward on my journey. I occasionally let others under my skin but everyday I aim to work a little harder to not be this way. I have cleansed my home and worked really hard. I have no time for revenge because in the end Karma gives out proper punishments and rewards.