Yesterday I took a HUGE back step in all of the progress I had been making over the last few weeks. I have this need to have the last word and I see where I should have just left it alone at my first K but I took a second to think and all that did was anger me more. This is the biggest flaw I have been working on.
I shouldn't have said half of the things I did say and I did feel like I was just talking. I never tried to escalate anything into a fight. But then I see where it was previously known it wouldn't last long so I don't feel like I was given a fair chance to begin with. I will clarify that I never said it was all your fault, I know mistakes were made on both ends.
Things were blown out of proportion but that was yesterday and this is today.
Today I am feeling beyond drained. After taking Ally to school I enjoyed a nice hot shower to see if that would help my lower back. I came home from work my back having spasms and my legs in extreme pain due to cramps.
Today I just need to get the kitchen cleaned up and the last load of laundry put away then I can sleep until Ally comes home. I feel myself going backwards and it's rough because part of me is enjoying it but then I also see where I've made such huge strides to stay out of bed and feel accomplished.
I really hope this mood is able to dissapate quickly and that yesterday can be put behind us all and we can move forward. If not I'll feel awful because I know this was the main way Joey was able to see Izzy and spend time with her. If bitter hearts are how things will remain then I'll accept that in time as well.
Time to get this done real quick and crawl back in bed. My everything hurts and I have dinner to make and work to go to.