Monday, October 3, 2016

Exhaustion

To say I am exhausted would be an exaggeration. It has been a long twelve hours and I am very much not used to doing twelve hours. I'm thankful for the overtime but man is my body feeling it. I managed to pinch a nerve in my knee so it keeps having spasms and is extremely painful and has started swelling. 

We reorganized the backroom today at work and I am so impressed with how it turned out. I took us around two hours to complete but it was well worth the time. I also caught up on paperwork and have managed to learn a lot. I definitely feel like I have found my spark and I love that I am learning so so much.

I have the next two days off and I am so thankful for school because I will be able to catch up rest in the morning and then have my evening with Ally. My depressions seems to be acting up and I won't pretend that is a rough patch. Bills have stacked up, not really sure what is/isn't happening with R, and then there's all of the stuff with Ally and her father.

I keep thinking I'm doing the right thing and then it feels like I am doing the wrong thing. I don't really know where I am at and I feel stuck in my own head space. There isn't any money for luxuries, my parents are helping to get Ally's fall wardrobe. I don't look forward to payday because literally my whole check goes to save the apartment because that's behind. I'm working like a dog to keep Ally and I under control.

I know this post could be screen shot and used against me and that's fine. This is my place to talk about me and sort my thoughts. I never said I was a perfect mother nor have I aimed to be. I have only tried to do what is right for Ally. I always try to help others and sometimes like right now it bites me hard in the ass.

Time to end this night with my show and a wine cooler. Brightest Blessings All.

**SMALL RANT AHEAD**

**NOT RELATED TO ALLY OR I IN THE LEAST**

On a side note, I really wish some people would open their eyes and realize that stabs will always be made. The truth comes down to what you don't see. People could portray themselves as happy as newlyweds but you don't know what happens behind closed doors.

On the same note nobody is forcing you to stalk either. Nobody makes me read anybody's posts. I choose to visit those blogs and read what is going on. If reading is sabotaging your happiness and progress as well then just stop because as long as they know they have an audience they'll make sure to add a little to their posts because they know it hits a sore spot. Think of how many times you've done it.

I'm so sick and tired of the pettiness all the way around. Life could be much much worse than fighting over a man who is lost himself. All you do is hurt him and yourselves in the process. If the claim is that you're bettering him then do that.

Everybody deserves their happiness in some shape or form. If you know that gentleman x is taken and all of his actions show he is taken then back off and remain friends with him without crossing boundaries. And the victim game should stop too.

I am sticking true to my word and leaving this blog at Ally and I. The more I think about tonight's soap opera the angrier I get because you're lives could be so much worse. You have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, family to support you, and food in your stomach. Basics are all covered. Be fucking thankful instead of so damn hellbent on creating problems where there aren't any. If you guys ever feel like someone is stealing your happiness then drop them. It is possible to be a single mother and be successful. It's the hardest thing to do and you'll break down a lot but then you remember who is watching and you wipe your tears and get your ass in gear.

7 comments:

  1. I might have some fall/winter clothes ally could fit in. Brooke gave me all my nieces clothes that they can't fit in so I've got bags of it in my closet.

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    1. Thank you, this is just a rough patch and I don't like asking for help. I always figure something out and you'll need those for Izzy.

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  2. She won't be able to fit these clothes for a couple years. Youve given me allys old clothes when i was pregnant and helped out with training pants and incense.

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  3. Ultimately up to you. She's between a 4t-5t

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  4. It's up to you whether you want it or not. All I did was look at sizes, not which season the clothes were. But all the 4t and 5t are in one bag. I know there's a couple heavy jackets at least and some pjs and jeans. Just let me know if you wanna go through them.

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  5. So happy you are loving your new job/location :) Enjoy your days off!!

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  6. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take proper care of yourself and do ensure your well being. Cold weather can cause many health problems.

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Encouraging Comments Are Always Welcomed. :)