There are zero words to accurately describe how I'm feeling. A few would be shocked, scared, worried, unsure. Last night my grandma Patty had a grand mal seizure and my grandpa wally couldn't pull her out of it. He said he called an ambulance and she was rushed to the hospital. Three hours after being there her blood pressure and heart rate are through the roof, she has been running a 104 fever, and she is now on ventilator. They have done a lumbar test to see if it's meningitis. Anyone that has met my grandparents can attest to the fact that they are heavy believers of God. They pray about every situation and never miss church unless someone is ill.
My grandfather is losing hope. He sounds incredibly broken and I can tell this will be just like my Grandma and Grandpa Ray. One passes and shortly after so does the other. My grandpa Wally is already stage one Alzheimer. He told me tonight that if they pull her off of the ventilator and she doesn't start breathing on her own there isn't much they can do. They have her under a cooling blanket to try to break the fever.
I have laughed over the phone about the memories. I have tried to encourage strength. I have cried to R who is worried about me because he knows I have a history of not handling loss well at all. Ally is at my Aunt's for a sleepover tonight and me?
I've chosen to give myself one night to have a pity party. Bring on Alcohol, food I don't need, and binge watching The Mindy Project. My heart is shredding because they are states away. In Arizona. My daughter hasn't met them at all because they moved right before her birth. I have a rocky history with them and all I can seem to do is cry.