Wednesday, May 17, 2017
13 Reasons Why
Over the last two days S and I have been binge watching 13 Reasons Why. At first, I wasn't going to watch it due to all of the hype around it but in the aftermath I am glad I did watch it. It was painful to watch because it is such a common thing happening yet as a society we are so unaware. We spend so much time judging each other instead of being there. I have been a victim of bullying and I know first hand the pain it causes. I have also been the bully and lashed out because I thought if I could an ounce of pain it would ease my own. It never did but I thought it was worth a shot. I also know what happens when you are on the victim side of it. I know crying in the bathroom stalls. Holding back the tears and trying to be quiet so nobody hears you falling apart. I went to the doctor a few days ago and have been diagnosed with Severe Manic Depression. This will be addressed in another post but depression doesn't happen overnight. There are so many things that trigger it.
What most people don't know is I used to harm myself. I used to cut. Many people don't get why people cut. It's because you can psychically feel the pain and there a therapeutic release from it. I almost lost my sister because she was doing it for months and nobody knew. Not even me who slept in the same room as her. I remember coming home from school that day. My mom on the couch in tears holding my sister asking if I knew about it. I didn't and it hurt that I didn't see what was right in front of me.
When I was 13, I attempted to Overdose. I felt like my life was too much. That everyone would be better off without me. Watching 13 Reasons Why you see it from the other side. You see the triggers. What causes a person to feel that they have no choice but to take their own life. It isn't an easy decision. There is so much thought and planning that goes into taking your own life.
This is why I feel like Brit and Kris should lay off of each other. Of course I don't believe that either would take their life but your triggering Kris's depression. Joey made a lot of empty promises to many people and we have all tried to make both of you see the truth. For instance, Joey wasn't faithful by any means. He still slept with me while under the same roof as Brit. We would wait for her to take a hot bath or offer to the run to the store together. All the evidence that Brit needed was right under her nose. Even the day he came by to get rid of my washer and dryer, we slept together then. Not only was he sleeping with me but he was still receiving nudes from Kris as well. He was with all three of us in a sense at the same time. But if he's become a righteous man overnight then best of happiness to you.
My point with this post? You don't know a person's truth. You don't what a person is going through. To outsiders you may seem just fine even though a piece of you is dying inside. It is the hardest thing to live with. Not having anyone to explain the constant ache in your chest. The tears that shed almost on command.
I really feel like 13 Reasons Why really made an impact and it is something that I will make Ally watch when she is older. Next year she'll be in a bigger school and she needs to understand the power of words and actions. My biggest fear is that the people she meets will crush her big heart and it is so important for me to be aware as her mother and to always be her biggest support system.