Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Doctor's Visit

I went to the doctor on Monday and there was a lot of painful truth. I am at my heaviest weight. 227.6. I was only at 223 when I was busting my ass to lose this weight. At my lowest I was at 199. I worked my ass off to lose every pound only to have gained it all back and then some.

She is getting copies of my X-Rays because she believes that my hip is more messed up than originally thought. I'll find out more about that in two weeks but she is thinking I might need surgery.

I'll also find out whether or not I'm diabetic and what the next step it. I explained my constant fatigue to her and she thinks it might be a vitamin efficiency so she ran a blood panel and again, we'll find out in two weeks the results of that. Everything now is just a waiting game. A long two week waiting game.

I have been diagnosed with severe manic depression. Something the doctor said during our appointment really stuck with me. She said there is a difference between moving on and coping. You can move on and leave the past behind but if you haven't coped with it, it will still eat you alive. I have moved on from Joey. It took me two years but I have moved on. She's right though, I haven't coped with it. I never got a why or an apology. I accepted that and moved on but it is still rough from time to time but I have worked tirelessly to move forward.


  1. I am glad you have some answers about whats going on with you. My SIL was severe maniac depressive, and its not easy to deal with but with medication things can get better and will sweetie. I hope you wont need surgery. And I hope that if you are diabetic that it's one that losing your weight can solve. You have lost the weight before and you can do it again.

  2. Joey doesn't seem to understand the severe trauma he has inflicted on us both.... we will never get the answers we need. He'll never fess up to his wrongdoings.

  3. I had to start over again from my highest weight ever. It was depressing and discouraging, but you have to start somewhere. I told myself it was just a new starting point.

  4. The thing is you may never get your apology or why, he just may never grow up enough to give you that and that is what you have to cope with. You have to get to the point where that is ok. It has taken me a lot of years but I finally don't care about the apology or why and I think that is because I have realized that no matter what I had done differently it still would have ended up the same because he is who he is and he would done it anyway. I sometimes fantasize about his life being really shitty and seeing him someplace and parading my family around in front of him and letting him see what he missed out on though. Ha! And I am so glad you are getting some answers. I hope you are feeling better very soon!

  5. I hope you don't need surgery and that you are not diabetic. My mom has been type 2 since age 17 and R became type 1 after having pancreatitis a year ago. It is a difficult thing to deal with daily.


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