Thursday, May 18, 2017

My Truth

Yesterday I made a major slide downhill and I am embarrassed for how I acted. I acted purely out of anger and I knew Brittany was just looking for a reaction but in the moment I read her post, I was fueled with nothing but anger. I have worked hard to make moves toward a positive lifestyle for my health. I am finally getting answers about my health and getting much needed help. I know that is important I watch my stress and I stay focused on Ally and I's life. Not stepping backwards. It's hard not to react when lies are posted. I have completely owned up to the damage I inflicted in my marriage. I have let go and moved forward. I apologized for my verbal and physical abuse to my ex. I know that I have caused damage but one thing I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I never cheated. In five years I remained faithful and did everything I could to salvage my marriage. I don't feel the need to do a "Truth" post because I know the details that ended my marriage, what went wrong and what went right. I do feel like a clarity post is in order. I know that I did everything I was raised to do and I fought to make my marriage work. I wasn't "lazy", I was depressed. I had to pull all of the weight. My ex didn't want to work. In the five years we were together he only held a job solidly for 5 months. I have shelled out so much money it's ridiculous. But I believed him and I loved him. Even when he was shattering my heart, I came crawling back for more.

So for someone to say I didn't believe in him or fight for my marriage they are wrong. When his affair with another woman began in front of me I still fought. Even when I was in the ER because I had a panic attack so severe I couldn't breathe. Even when I was locked out of my room on my daughter's birthday. I fought.

I lost 3 liters of blood with my daughter. We had an emergency C-Section and my daughter wasn't breathing when she was born. My in-laws live on a dirt road. My brother in-law was barely doing 5 miles down our dirt road and I sat in the truck sobbing because of the pain it put me through. I didn't run off with Ally, I did what was best for my recovery so I could be there for my husband. It took between 6 and 8 weeks just for the swelling to go down enough so I could walk. I gave Joey the ultimatum to be with us in Fort Worth or stay in Bowie. He chose to be with his wife and child.

I left in 2015 because he chose another woman over me. We were in his bedroom with the other woman and I gave him one final chance to choose I us. I fought for a year while he was having the affair blatantly in front of me to save us. I did everything a wife was supposed to do and yes the depression was downright crippling but I tried so don't for a second think it's okay to post about something you know nothing about. Get all the facts before you think it's okay to post about my life.

I have worked hard to build the life Ally and I are living and I am damn proud of us. By myself we built a life for us. My family, Whatafamily, and friends have been huge supporters but at the end of the day we did this. We got ourselves a vehicle. We got ourselves a bigger apartment. We did and I won't let myself backslide just because someone has nothing but time on their hands.

I didn't plan my life this way but I am thankful for the life I am living. I have made the necessary calls and soon reality will kick in for those who think I am full of empty threats. For now, I am going to enjoy enchiladas and a movie with my honey and Ally. I am living my best life and it's all I could ask for. I'm not perfect by any means but each day I strive to do a little bit better than the day before.

2 comments:

  1. That's what pissed me off the most is that she sat there and posted what lies he fed her about us and our relationships with jr. I fought too, because like he told you, he wanted us. He wanted our family. So for her to sit there and claim to say she knows everything when in reality she doesn't know jack shit just infuriated me to no end. But she will always take him at his word no matter what horseshit he tells her. I made it perfectly clear this morning that there is no chance in hell that I will be put through this misery again. He is not welcome in my bed, he is not to ask me for help, and I'm done being the loyal "side chick". Me and you both deserve more and so do our girls. I'm so proud of you for getting to the point you are at:) Time to get myself there too

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  2. I feel for you that you have to keep rehashing your past with this girl. Just try to think more about how far you have come and not where you have been. And don't beat yourself up over reacting to her. You can't be perfect all the time :)

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Encouraging Comments Are Always Welcomed. :)