Sunday, July 23, 2017

Returning To Blog Land

I'm back! I really needed the time away but I am glad to be back into blog land. It is much needed therapy to connect with you guys. Buckle down because this is going to be a long post. On the Health front, I wasn't able to get my MRI done. Shortly after the stomach virus left, I had a severe kidney stone and was hospitalized for almost a week. I almost lost my job and it took forever to feel normal again. But I am doing much better now. My depression is still so-so. After six months of not seeing Ally my ex decided to pick her up for the month of July. It sucked beyond belief. I had to bend to their rules and cooperate or they wouldn't allow Ally to talk to me. I went a week without talking to my daughter all because I was asked to come pick up Ally after Brittany walked out on her son. I had made it half-way there before I was told I wasn't needed there. My ex wouldn't tell me where Allisun was so I called the local police to make sure she was safe. This led to my ex and his s/o telling Ally I called the police on her.

That is just the tip of the ice berg. Needless to say July has been exhausting so far. We were supposed to pick up Ally on Friday Morning but she came home late Thursday night. From what Ally told us, Brittany threw a fit because my ex was going with his brother to Fort Worth to get a new piercing. This led to Brittany putting holes in the walls, throwing furniture, and essentially throwing a huge fit. I am surprised because my ex actually did the adult thing and brought Ally home immediately. It has been absolutely wonderful having her home.


Yesterday was absolutely fantastic! We threw a surprise welcome home party for Ally. My parents made hamburgers and hotdogs. We spent time as a family and it is refreshing to be with somebody that understands how important my family is to me. Afterwards we headed to Sundance Square to celebrate Pogofest! It was fantastic that Ally could spend time out in the fountain and we were able to catch some pretty awesome Pokemon. Ally is now working hard towards earning her very first cellphone. I know it's a big responsibility for a five year but I feel like she is ready for it. Especially with her heading into Kindergarten and being directly involved with the school. Overall we had an awesome day yesterday.



This has been the hardest month emotionally on me. I have been tried in more way than I can imagine. I am so thankful to have Shaun by my side. The last four months have been pure bliss and I couldn't ask to have a better partner by my side. The adjustment period has been tough since she came home. She has slowly been filling me in on the details of her stay there. She told me she didn't have to brush her teeth in Bowie and she didn't have to go to bed. She was allowed to stay up all night. It shows that she has been lacking on sleep and proper nutrition. Friday breakfast consisted of her scarfing down a bowl of sausage, four small pancakes, and trying to squeeze room in for eggs. Today she seems to have caught the stomach virus going around so it has been cuddles, sleep, and puking. My poor baby.

I am really happy she's home with me. I am holding her tighter than ever now. I can't imagine losing her for that long again. I am glad she got time in with her Daddy but I don't want to lose her again. We've agreed that it's best if he comes here to visit Ally instead of her going to Bowie. We both don't feel like it's safe for her there with Brittany off the handle for the moment.

During her stay I realized a lot. Ally was thrown in the middle of the situation that I have worked tirelessly to keep her out of. Brittany made her very aware of  everything going on without admitting fault to her own actions. She was tugged left and right and it wasn't fair to her by any means. She told my family and I that I stole money from Brittany.  She curled in my arms in tears this morning because she thought I would be mad at her for calling Brittany mom. She said Brittany would get really mad at her if she just called her Brittany. I assured her that I am her only momma and nobody can take my place. I also made it clear that I wasn't mad at her at all.

Last night she told us that Brittany told her the reason we don't like each other is because I stole money from her. That is such a ludicrous statement. First off, Brittany first moved in because her relationship fell apart so I took her in. She had no job or income of any sort. I spoiled the fuck out of her. Bought her new clothes, her son necessities, and cigarettes. She helped with groceries and watching Ally. Which was the agreement for her stay at the apartment. I kicked her out because she tried to kill me. Our attitudes clashed constantly and she had zero respect for me in my own home. 

 Then there's her grandparents, I never told her grandparents that they couldn't be in her life or told Ally that they didn't love her. In fact when it comes to the family in Bowie, I always tell Ally I love them and think they are wonderful people. That is what you do as a parent, not bash anyone in front of the kids. My beef with the family is between me and them, not my daughter.  I did refuse to give my address because at the time I was trying to keep my ex-husband away from me, but I never refused them to see or talk to her.

I wish for a minute these judgmental people would walk a mile in my shoes. They don't understand the struggle as a single mother. You are constantly trying to stretch yourself thin to make everyone happy. You constantly have to try to satisfy everyone while at the end of the day doing what's best for your child. There is no perfect system, there is no right answer.  These last few weeks show me exactly why I have kept Ally from Bowie. Why I have kept her from Brittany. I give my ex props for trying to make co-parenting work. I have found that he is easier to talk to when Brit is away. He is more relaxed and easy going.

Today will be spent with cuddles, cartoons, and constant affirmations of my love for her. It's going to be rough but we knew what we were getting into when she came home. All we can do from here on out is reassure her how much we love her. How much we missed her. Constantly remind her that we aren't going anywhere. That we are here to stay.

Brightest Blessings Lovelies! I've missed you all.

8 comments:

  1. Im not even going to post my thoughts because what ally said brittany has said and done has me fucked up and extremely pissed off. She never desereved ally and she sure as hell doesn't deserve to be called mom or step mom by her. Im so happy she's back home and jr is actually starting to see clearly.

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  2. Ally asked me why i wasnt sending her things in the mail and i told her the truth that you wouldnt give me the address thats all i said to her. I dont have your number anymore because my old phone died had to get a new one. And you was the one who cut off all contact with me so there has been no way for me to contact my granddaughter.

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    1. If you'll send me your email address I'll give you my number and mailing address.

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  3. Hope Ally is feeling better now.

    A cell phone already? My goodness, things are changing. My kids were 14 and 12 when they got theirs and I thought that was a bit young.

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    1. I personally feel like we live in dangerous times and with her riding the bus this year I want to have a way to get ahold of me just in case something happens.

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  4. Well girly, July sounded rough! Glad it is behind you and glad you posted on here again. I really missed hearing from you. I hope Ally is feeling better soon! And I am appalled that someone could be that horrible to a little girl. You are right to keep her out of that situation and don't let anyone make you feel any different! xo

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    1. It was rough but it's behind us and we are moving forward. I've missed you too girly!

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Encouraging Comments Are Always Welcomed. :)